Wednesday, February 15, 2006

May I use your dictaphone?

No, use your finger like everyone else.


I feel that apologies are in order.

I’ve been remiss, there have been so many people here to say hello and share things, and so many places that I would normally go to, to share your fun and wisdom, but I’ve just not made it of late. It’s just that I’ve been a bit pre occupied – and if you had the view that I have right now you’d see two sets of eyes staring reproachfully at me from the corner of the room, so I’m constantly reminded that I have priorities too.

Some time ago I stopped blogging. It hadn’t been what I thought it would be. I thought it was simply a place where I could have a rant and rave, to let out some of the bile anonymously and then simply walk away, sated. On reflection, perhaps it is, in fact it probably serves whatever purpose we choose – which leaves me floundering in a way. Because what I’ve found is that I’ve made friends here, really, genuine friends.

This is a matter of no small amazement to me since I’m incredibly selfish in that respect. I’m a user, I have any number of casual acquaintances that I can go have fun with and then, when it suits me, ignore. But here I’ve found people that I’ve come to genuinely care for, and I feel an obligation to, the responsibility of friendship. (Am I alone in this? Is this some anomaly in me, or is it a delusion that separation – the not really knowing the other – causes?). Or am I simply being up-my-bum?

So apology, part two (don’t worry, it’s only a two part series), is that I find I am almost congenitally unable to write what I think most of the time. Not when I’m doing this, but when I’m speaking directly to A N Other of you out there who’s decided that it was worth saying hello. I’m not sure whether it’s a simple lack of vocabulary, or concentration, but I find it difficult to reply to even the simplest message with any clarity. I look back and wince at some of the replies I’ve written when I think of how many ways it’s possible to interpret them, when a few simple words would have done. I believe I should sign messages Terry Fuckwit from now on, as a disclaimer.

So, you should know, that I still do come and read, more often than not in the early hours of the morning, but don’t always comment – as much for me as you, in case I come across one of my own comments and go into spasm.



On a different note, thank you for all of the offers of helmets. I do in fact have a perfectly respectable motorcycle helmet that I wear when I’m out on the bike, robbing a bank and taking a shower (I’m lying about the bank). By the way, did you know that a “helmet” in the UK is also slang for an idiot (wally, plonker, dipstick, helmet etc), and also the bulbous bit on the end of the willy that stops your hand from sliding off? No?...I thought not).

I’m afraid I can’t tell you any more though, because although I spoke to the consultant before the examination I didn’t see him afterwards, I have to wait for a letter. We did chat for a while though and it was reassuring that he didn’t look at me as if I had a large piece of broccoli growing out of my ear, or ask me if I was insured.

But – whether it was because it was Valentine’s day, whether it was a because she held my hand, or the uniform, or the fact that she laughed when I said “Goodbye Mr Bond” when my head disappeared into the scanner – I don’t know. All I know is that, embarrassingly, I had an outrageous dose of the hots for the nurse. It’s a very good job that they didn’t scan my whole body or they’d have found a very strange phenomenon below the belly button. (Golly it was warm in there!).

19 comments:

Shephard said...

Surprised to hear you give any of your comments a second thought. Wait, that sounded wrong. No, what I mean is you're witty and funny and you always leave a positive or humor. I think when we all read each other's writing, after no time at all, we understand the energy behind what is being said... despite interpretation of words. :)

And you're not alone. Real friendships have been made thru blogs. It still surprises me too.

~S

Jenn said...

You're being a ninny. Your comments (as I read them) are humorous...and actually thoughtful sometimes. One cannot be thoughtful and deep all the time. Really.

I'm glad you brought up the bit about making friends in blogland. I've thought the same thing and then felt immediately like a child with imaginary friends. Though, as a child I didn't pretend to have invisible friends. So maybe this is even more deranged. :-)

The word 'helmet' works that way here in the U.S. too. Evidently that kind of thing knows no boundaries.

I hope you don't have too much damage to the noggin. (That means something else here in the States, too...'noggin'...related to 'helmet'...enough on that though.)

I've heard that nurses can be quite hot...but haven't actually had the pleasure. Something about a male nurse...

And no...my ex isn't a lawyer. Dang it. Think of the loot I could win. He's actually not that intelligent. (Speaks volumes for my taste, eh?)

And was that a crack about Irish intelligence? Hmmm...perhaps offended.

Ciao.

Wendy said...

Oh Colin. No apologies necessary! You silly Fish!! I second what Shephard wrote - and no, you're not at all alone feeling as if you've made friends. You have ... I have. I think we all have. I think it's pretty damned cool! Tootles ! (I'm staying away from the helmet stuff!!!)

Jessica said...

You're adorable Colin, errr, I mean Mr. Helmet Fuckwit.

Deranged Doctor said...

Well, I value your comments. And I'm not going to make any jokes about a helmet in a helmet with a hel... forget it.

Dorothy said...

Who's the picture of, fish?

Okay, let me tell you something. I just found your blog a day or so ago and there's something here that makes me want to come back...maybe it's the authenticity of your posts or maybe it's just because what you have to say is what I like to read. Sometimes I feel like dang what am I gonna write about today and when that happens, I just don't write. I'll go a day or two before something pops in my head. I've been to some blogs that have totally bored me and I couldn't even bring myself to say hello and that I had stopped by. But, yours I did and there was a reason for that. I'm soooo busy what with my books and column and so much other stuff going on that I find it hard sometimes to pay my friends a visit and I get to thinking they are going to think I'm too busy for them so I make an effort to stop by. But, those blogs I do make an effort to stop by are the ones that I really want to see what's going on in their life. It's interesting, really. It's like being a peeping tom...you don't know I'm here if I don't comment but I still get to see what you've been up to that day. Heh...can you tell I'm a writer? To make a very long comment even longer, I love your blog and please keep posting...it really makes my day. ;o)

Pam said...

Hey. You are a VERY interesting person. I thoroughly enjoy reading you since I stumbled upon...well, let's not do the whole family tree thing but you can thank Wendy (or maybe...not)for turning me on to your blog. I think my blog lacks the personal touch yours does. I am usually the one who divulges too much too soon in casual friendships and yet when I look back at my blog entries, on the whole, there is nothing really deep or revealing in mine.

Gotta watch out for the ole brain case Colin. You only get one, you know!! Errrr, sorry. The nurse in me snuck out for a second. You know there is/was a pro football (American that is) player who had over 83 concussions on the playing field and his gray matter was so damaged that years after retiring, the least little thing like flashing lights, would cause him to have another concussion.

You know, I can almost hear you speaking when I read what you write. That truly is a fabulous gift. Keep writing 'cause I'll keep reading.

Magpie said...

i love your comments, and no i don't go wheep wheep while he's in the shower (we only have a bath...lol)

and yes i'm weird but i love my horror flicks, although i sat and watched pride and prejudice yesterday too, so i'm not all strange...lol

:0)

a fish on a bycicle said...

Oh deary me, see – case in point, that obviously came out all wrong.

I did give up blogging once because I found the genuine nature of the people I’d bump into almost intimidating...

...but now I’m just happy and grateful.

Us fish take time to learn new tricks!!

Miladysa said...

If you stop commenting I shall stop blogging...

Why does life get in the way of blogging?

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

I think you do a damn good job commenting. Why did you mention it? Did someone dis you? Want me to come rough 'em up for you being as you're not 100% recovered yet? Just say the word...;)

And that nurse thing...it very well may have been the uniform. The same thing happens to me with police officers...but ONLY the motorcycle cops that wear those shiny black boots....;)

krisbtterfly said...

as much as you think i'm horrified by some of your comments, your lack of a mental 'filter' makes you quite endearing. (but i think you already knew that). ;)

patti_cake said...

I heart your comments Colin and whether they be witty or deep or simply nonsense I value them just the same as I know everyone else does as well. We seem to be a close knit bunch, we bloggers. It amazes me too and I, too feel a little bit like i'm having a bunch of imaginery friends. Except you all are very real to me and i'm very humbled and appreciate everyone i've met. Thank You Fish, and thank you all.

Deadly Female said...

I like your comments, Fish! They make me smile a lot :) It's nice, being part of a little bloggy family. I look at my links every day and it's like popping in for coffee with a good friend. Except I don't drink coffee. But you get the principle.

Oh, and.....

Anulos qui animum ostendunt omnes gestemus!

Melissa said...

Col, if your comments didn't make me laugh out loud sometimes I'd think there was something amiss across the pond. And I, like you, have grown to be quite fond of my blog friends. In fact, the same feeling of "community" I once poo-pooed when people spoke of their experiences online I now embrace and cherish. You're not alone.

Sandra said...

I simply can't blog every single day, and I know what you mean about feeling 'responsible' - when I'm too busy to post, I start to think, "oh gosh, hope nobody thinks I'm ignoring them!" It's funny, isn't it?

I've always believed that the nicest and best people to know, those you are most sympatico with, likely won't live in your own hometown, they may live halfway across the country, or around the world. And until we had the internet we couldn't explore that. I still find that aspect of blogs so flippin' cool.

Aims said...

Yes, I need to have a blogging break but I seriously can't I really have made some good friends here. I had a valentine e-card from one lovely lady. You email me to make sure I'm ok. I can't leave! & you aren't allowed to either!
Your comments always bring a smile to my face so please don't stop commenting.
Right I've written an essay! See ya soon x

Jill said...

actually, i was coming here to apologize for not haven't been much a gal-about-the-blogosphere lately, and as such haven't been by to check in. so it's not only you. have i mentioned i love this new design? oh yes, and i always get to learn brit-slang when i come here.

Gerbera Daisy said...

Oh Wow!!! I did not know helmet had those meanings. :-)

I too feel I have formed friendships with my blog. I suppose the blog friends are a modern day pen pal.