Wednesday, January 24, 2007

cold toes

The oddest thing.

The world was softly spoken we woke this morning. Too quiet even for duvet deafness, the snuggling in between eiderdown and pillow, the space where warm slumber meets the new day, where we test the air with our nose and allow those other senses to slowly emerge from their repose.

Today, instead of the insistent rumble and throb of hurly burly morning progress there is a hush of traffic as if through blancmange...and children’s voices too, usually drowned by the din of violent cars, are plainly audible laughing and shrieking beyond the window.

It’s cold on my nose as I burrow back into the covers. The window behind me radiates cold, and beyond the shutters, beyond the window pane, the sky’s cool grey is tinged with amber.

It’s snowing outside.

Normally I would be ecstatic. Even the grey humdrum of the city looks better for a sprinkling of snow – but mostly, because we so seldom have a reasonable fall. It is exciting to walk with the dogs, to watch their excitement at a new terrain. It’s exciting for me too, having grown up in the countryside of Scotland, to slip out of urban thrall after work - back into the wellie boots of youth amongst snow laden trees, with my boys, on a quiet, frigid night.

I wish it were that simple. Unfortunately one of us, Toffee, is still not well. He had his stitches removed last night along with further x-rays and a thorough examination. (He makes me proud, and rather humble. Whilst other dogs are causing chaos in the hospital waiting room he sits or lies, watching the world go by with big brown placid eyes. He’ll tolerate no end of pulling or twisting, man handling of an obviously sore joint, without a murmur of protest. I didn’t teach him these manners, they’re in his nature).

So for all that has already been done, while not wasted has neither worked. He has arthritis in his knee it is still too weak to support the load of any normal exercise. The surgeon spoke to us about a solution which involves removing a wedge of bone to change the angle of the knee and consequently the strain on the surrounding ligaments. The whole is then put back together and reinforced with pins and plates.

Apparently if it works, it works well. And if it doesn’t, (which is unlikely but possible) it can go very badly wrong.

Toff and I had a good long chat about it and we decided that he’d rather run again than spend his life walking on a lead. So… Tuesday.

There’ll be other snow falls.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

of rabbits, in dreams

I'm home.

Thank you for your well wishes, feeling a little dopey at the moment so I think I'll have a snooze.....but see you in the park soon!

ps 'scuse my bare bum.

The Toffster

Monday, January 08, 2007

paint your pallet blue and grey

It’s been a while.

I’d hoped it might feel like a comfortable shoe that one could slip back into, but it feels rather more like an stiff old shirt, ill fitting and a little too tight around the collar.

So here’s to a happy, healthy new year to everyone before I forget, and a brief review of the events of the last few months by way of explanation and apology to friends I’m doing a bloody good job of not deserving.

Essentially I have been gone because at the end of last year I disappeared, figuratively, into a revolving door of travel and corporate entertainment, living out of suitcase, drunkenly, always packing, laundry, sleeping fitfully 'in transit' or dropping my poor boys of at the kennels, to the point where I…how can I describe, “lost balance” I think, forgot what was (is) important, even necessary, and then the wheels simply fell off. Just for a short while but terrifying nevertheless. I know Clotho by name, I held hands with Lachesis for a short while and turned away just in time to hide from Atropos, but I'm sure I smelt her breath and it was sweet and I was sorely tempted.

Just an incident. A lesson I suppose I couldn’t have missed.

So mostly since then I have been trying to immerse myself in what is self evidently important, friendship and the health necessary to enjoy them.

I had a great New Year in Minneapolis, I have to tell you that Sandra is amazing, the hostess with the mostest, kind and great fun (Laddie really is that beautiful and noble in person). Jenn is wonderful, truly upbeat, and with her friend Shelley the four of us just had one of the happiest, funniest, joyous nights I’ve had in an age. And I was honoured to meet the diminutive 4th of those blythe spirits and fell head over heals for a tiny, beautiful, shy girl with a spectacular grin that lit up the room when she deigned to eventually grace us with it.

And now it’s back to work, for a while at least, back into the revolving door but with a full battery and a better perspective.

Spare a thought for Toffee, he’s been in agony with his knee this past six weeks and he’s finally going to go for surgery on his cruciate ligament tomorrow…it’s by far the most important thing going on around here at the moment.

He's lying with his head on my lap as I write and I just want to tell him it's okay, you'll run again.