Monday, February 13, 2006

I'm off to see the wizard...

You can generally tell by the other players reactions. You’re sitting on the pitch looking dazed and stupid and the first people to arrive will tell you, just by the looks on their faces, whether you’re off to casualty again.

“Do you want someone to come with you?”

“No, I’ll be fine….do I really need to go?”

“Yes. It’s small, but it’s quite deep and it’s bleeding like a bugger”. (We really need to consider playing in something other than white).

I have a book in the car anyway, which is good because you know you’re in for a long wait. Casualty staff regard sports injuries as tantamount to self inflicted wounds, which I can understand, they work long hours and see some awful things so my little knock is less than urgent……I’ll sit there for several hours behind little Johnny’s be-panned head and the nervous looking man with the vacuum cleaner attachment up his bottom….for a few more stitches.

This time though I’m feeling particularly stupid. There’s no denying it, I really am a bit of an ass.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with a neurologist and a scanner for precisely the reason that I’m back in casualty, cumulative damage to the noggin. Over the years I have treated my head in much the same way that other people treat a favourite mallet or coal scuttle. I’ve tenderised it, to the extent where my fingers have been clumsy and numb at times, my left eye is a kaleidoscope and I wear a headache like a knitted cap.

The problem is that almost everything I enjoy doing, playing hockey, riding the motorbike, even just generally having a laugh with friends, involves some potential for further cranial abuse.

And I know (truly, I do) that I’m an ass for caring sufficiently to try to get something done about it –whilst at the same time putting myself in a position where I use my head to redirect hockey balls.

I just think it’s going to be embarrassing tomorrow when the consultant finds a neat line of stitches above my left ear.

I’ll lie of course, I’ll tell him I got a pot stuck on my head…

22 comments:

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Just so you know, I will never look at my vacuum the same way ever again...;)

I hate those words "bleeding like a buggar"....it always makes me woozy....ESPECIALLY if it's my own blood!!!

So, how you doing now? You still going to go with that "pot on my head" story??? I dunno....:)

a fish on a bycicle said...

I'll fill you in tomorrow...by which I mean, I'll let you know what happens (sorry, funny mood)

Sandra said...

Sounds like somebody should be wearing a helmet. Especially when riding a motorcycle, and playing hockey, but possible just around the house too. They say most injuries happen in the home.

Good luck with the noggin doctors tomorrow, I don't suppose you could say you cut yourself shaving?

Seven said...

Voltaire said the ultimate test of our love is whether we will sacrifice a thing we dearly love to attain a thing we love more. By application it is clear that you love the emergency room so much you are willing to continually sacrifice your beloved noggin in order to achieve this destination.
A might peculiar aint it mate?
Do folks say 'heads up' in London?

Wendy said...

Well Colin, my Hub no longer rides his dirt bike, I'm sure he has a couple of fancy dancy helmets kicking about. I think I'll post one off to you asap. You're to wear it daily ... from the moment you awake, til the moment your head hits the pillow ... as long as it's a down filled pillow. ;~)

Good luck tomorrow. Keep me posted.

Jenn said...

Ouch.

I suppose it's your head so you can do what you want with it...right?

It doesn't have to make sense. Kind of like when I'd go to the doc about athsma and lie about smoking. Funny...no athsma problems since I stopped smoking regularly. Hmmm. Imagine that.

Human beings can be so brilliant.

;-)

Just Some Gal said...

Good luck on the visit, only the best thoughts for you Col. It ought to make things interesting for the explanation...hehe

Happy Valentines Day.

Deadly Female said...

Fish!!! What are you like! Good luck tomorrow and just be careful with that head!

Aims said...

Good luck! How did it go? Happy Valentines day! Pot stuck on your head - you know I can see you doing that!!!

Grant said...

If they're slow to respond to sporting injuries, maybe one of your friends could shoot you when you're hurt so they'll get to you sooner.

Just a thought. :)

patti_cake said...

Fish I hope your consultation goes well and you get some relief from those awful headaches. I totally understand where you are coming from. My hubs has back problems but drives a racecar. Go figure. We're thinking about ya and Happy Valentines Day!

Jess Riley said...

I think we all need to take up a collection to purchase you an assortment of helmets! :)

Deranged Doctor said...

All right, Colin, I want to know what he said to your "injury." If I were him, I'd sentence you to permanently wearing a helmet. One of those little halo-style ones.

Gerbera Daisy said...

Hope your headache is better and your doctor visit goes well. You might want to think about purchasing a helmet and wearing it to protect that noggin of yours.

Happy Valentine's Day

krisbtterfly said...

is there a helmet law in the U.K.? you're welcome to one of my motorcycle helmets (although they're tagged with various profane statements that melissa can vouch for- because she would always be behind me on my bike).
hope they give you good drugs! yum!

HVD,
~k

Shephard said...

I'm with Jess, Wendy and Sandra... maybe an assortment of helmets to match your moods... color coordinated with your favorite brands of beer or something practical like that.
~S

Dorothy said...

LOL, bless your heart. Hope the doc helped and USE THAT HELMET. ;o)

Jenn said...

Happy Valentine's day to you....

Jenn said...

...I'm not sure if I'm envious of your post or not. I got attorney letters in mine..but no bills.

yes...c'est la vie.

leesepea said...

Let's be clear on something, Colin.

When someone refers to you has "hard-headed," it means they are calling you a stubborn ass. It does not mean that you actually posses an indestructable cranium.

Please stop using your head for anything other than thinking up such lovely bits of prose as we've witnessed on your blog and for growing hair.

Because, really, what more could you possibly need it for?

Take care of yourself.

Literally.

I mean it!

Magpie said...

happy valentines day, hope your doctors appointment went well...

take care of yourself

*hugs*

Melissa said...

Fishy - you can borrow the helmet I'd always wear on the back of Kristie's Harley. It makes you look like a big mushroom head, but it's Department of Transportation approved! Hope you're doing alright. They need to get you fixed. And by fixed I mean healed, not neutered.