Friday, March 31, 2006

on the naming of toes

It was my birthday yesterday.

This is what happens on Colin’s birthday….

Small irate dog has an ulcer on his eye (courtesy of the cat who assaulted him years ago).

Large stupid dog, feeling left out no doubt, has a case of the electric shits.

Colin’s doctor opines, suddenly and alarmingly, that extra testiculari are bad, and (even more alarmingly) immediatley hits the phone to enlist the help of (any) local surgeon to remove said stellar objet d’art from bulging scrotum (I apologise if you are tucking in to a bowl of Cheerios at the moment)..

Colin sits endlessly in waiting room reading “Vogue” for surgeon to eventually shake him by the genitals and say “come back on Monday”, because it’s “my anniversary you see”, and he’d like to skip off and take his good lady to Quaglino’s….he has a reservation.

Colin finally plucks up courage to ask girl-at-a-distance out, for a little dinner and perhaps a few drinks

And inadvertently calls a lady in America instead. Just a slip of the thumb, but thank you Jessica, it was nice to say hello?

Yours truly wakes up in bathroom at 9.30 this morning wearing a Spaniel as a hat, and a message in lipstick on his forehead which reads…”X”

Thank #### I’m mellowing with age……

27 comments:

Wendy said...

Happy Birthday Colin!! Happy Birthday. Well, I can see you didn't have a "stellar" day ... but it's ok. Right? Actually, now I'm worried about your boys, and I don't mean the dogs.

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Miladysa said...

Happy Birthday!

I am sure everything south of your navel will be fine - Oh.. and above it too :)

a fish on a bycicle said...

do I want free porn?

no thanks Eddy...

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Hey, I want free porn!!!

(Just kidding...;)

Well, I'm late...as usual...but Happy (late) Birthday! :)

I'm sure everything will be fine...you'll have that "bulging scrotum" problem taken care of, your small irate dogs eye will heal and poor large stupid dog will get over his case of the electric shits (I HATE it when that happens to my dogs!!!)

Hang in there Colin.....;)

Pam said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Colin!!! You bugger you! That's not how you use that word, is it! Ah, sorry. Cultural differences aside, I am glad you didn't have to have scrotal surgery on your birthday! Talk about less than optimal ways to celebrate.
So, how was your birthday after your intimate meeting with the doc that is?

Deadly Female said...

Happy Birthday! You didn't say - I could have sent you a cheesy text message!

krisbtterfly said...

well i certainly hope you get to keep what they take out- wouldn't that be an interesting conversation-starter if you had it made into a keyring? hehe

Ramona said...

Happy Birthday Colin, despite your recent misadventures in the scrotum department I'm sure all will be well. your avid antipodean reader x

patti_cake said...

Happy Happy Belated Birthday Dear Colin! Gah i'm sorry you had suck a sucky day but please let us know how the consultation goes about the "boys" and hope Toffee & Charlie are doing better also. "Try" to have a good week-end sweetie!

Melissa said...

I think you need a birthday "do over".

Anne said...

You know..I usually celebrate my birthday for an entire week...maybe you should too..

Hope you have a better weekend...

Happy late birthday..

Seven said...

Extra testicualri are bad? I'm still thinking you have a real conversation opener Colin. Happy Bithday.

Al said...

Happy belated birthday!
Some day I'll have to post my "Bad Birthday" story. Hope things get better from here. Don't lert them take anything away that you need! I'd sure hate to hear an "OOPS!"

Sandra said...

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY COLIN! Hard to know whether to comment on the dogs, the doctor, the scrotum, the date that was or wasn't??? But sometime you must post a photo of you with a Spaniel for a hat.

Jenn said...

Hmmm. That's quite a day. Maybe tomorrow will be better....?

Happy belated birthday.

Jessica said...

Happy birthday, Colin - it was such a nice surprise to get to chat with you briefly!

Oh - and for the record, had I been able to, I would have gladly joined you for dinner and a few drinks....even if it wasn't me you meant to call :)

Just Some Gal said...

A red X? lol

I'm worried about your other boys too... I hope everything works out fine for you.

Happy belated birthday babe!

Aine said...

Happy birthday (a bit late, sorry...). :D

Shephard said...

Holy cow, that's one memorable birthday. But hey, the rest of the year will only get better, yes? :)
(don't you just love optimists?)
~S

Gerbera Daisy said...

Happy Birthday to a fellow Aries. My birthday was yesterday!! Hope your weekend was good at least. Hope your puppies are good too.

Wendy said...

Fish ... where are you? What's the story on the "boys"??

Magpie said...

happy belated birthday wishes and *big hugs* spaniel as a hat, you crack me up, did the dog draw on your head...???

:0)

Aims said...

Happy belated birthday mate. Sorry I've not been around for a while Hope all's well. I'll catch up with you soon mate. x

Jay said...

So are you already in recovery mode or what? I think you should reclaim your birthday, perhaps celebrate next week instead. There's got to be some sort of rule about that.

Deranged Doctor said...

Happy Birthday, Colin...

... although I can't hope to even come close to equalling the adventures you've already had.
Anyway, it's Tuesday, so I'll assume you're back down to two.

Aims said...

Oh yea I am with Miss Jay. I think you should celebrate when you are good & ready - don't forget to invite us all!