Monday, May 01, 2006

turn off the light...

Ladies and Gentlemen, members of the press….

I had a day drinking healthy liquids and a little workout in the gym. I swam in the pool and had just an hour lozzocking in the sunshine round the pool. And then, feeling horrible (my god, I’d forgotten what an abominable place the world can be without a pair a beer goggles), I went to the mall - along with, apparently the entire population of Houston.

New sunglasses were the order of the day. I get through sunglasses at the same rate that other people get through bic pens or Q-tips. The Dutch are currently embarking on a plan to reclaim a square mile of land from the sea by mounding my mislaid sunglasses into a 10ft high dyke.

In Houston it seems you can walk into a restaurant naked so long as you are wearing the latest Prada eye fashion.

It may be me, but Houston doesn’t really seem like a place to wander around in. Apart from anything else it’s far too bloody hot and humid for someone who comes from a slightly more temperate clime, and I hate making a squelching noise when I walk. The insides of my fat little thighs chap after a while.

And it’s even less photogenic than I am so I won’t inflict any pictures on you, unless you’ve a fetish for concrete, in which contact me privately, (well, any fetish for that matter).

13 comments:

tammi said...

I have a HABIT.....wait! Not a bad one.lol
But I find myself strolling on over to your blog daily,now that I put your interesting blog in my list of faves.Mines not too long either.Longer than yours....but it takes a neat-o person to get on my faves list.And your rate high on the coolness scale.
(grin)

patti_cake said...

Oh Colin definitely rates your faves list. Check back to his post of Feb 16th "of tantrums and tents" and even further back about the trouser cough! Col, have a great time in Houston!

krisbtterfly said...

good luck getting your body clock in order- i'm going to miss not having internet for 5 days straight, i think it might actually hurt!!!! hopefully you'll have some more up for me to come back and read... and i'll be sure to send you photos of the virgin islands. hee hee

Gerbera Daisy said...

Hope you can enjoy Houston despite the heat and humidity. Be glad you are not there in July or August!!

Sandra said...

...lozzocking in the sunshine...a true Colinism but it sounds lovely.

Wendy said...

"Colinism" ... love that! I laughed remembering the Trouser Cough too! Colin, send some of that Houston hot air up northeast way will ya?!

Anne said...

I always get happy when you have a post up..sorry that Houston is being so rough on you..miserable town if you ask me!

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

I was going to suggest visiting the Central Florida area...but if you're not into heat, you'd better not. It'll be 90º here tomorrow.

I personally cannot wait to get my ass to the beach! ;)

Jessica said...

Colin, you crack me up, dear.

Hope you return to your wonderful (and more comfortably temperate) city soon.

Oh - and I, too, cannot hang on to sunglasses to save my life, which is why I never spend more than $10 on them. Guess I better wear clothes in Houston.

Dustin said...

I hate squelching too. I think there should be laws against such a thing.

Al said...

I believe that Latteland leads the world in lost sunglasses per capita. It is so seldom sunny that you naturally lose them between times when you need them. Moving an old couch usually is good for finding a couple of emergency pair.

Just Some Gal said...

Houston is much like being in a grimey sauna the past few days.

*blech*

Sorry you missed our 2 weeks of winter... ;-)

Enjoy the fun, visit the various malls, ride the bolivar ferry, get on interstate 10 and go east, exit Crosby Lynchburg, Exit 787... Take a right, ride the ferry over... drive down a mile or so... On the left you'll see the San Jacinto Monument... For a buck or two you'll be able to walk into a museum that defies modern technology and cool air.

Cheetarah1980 said...

I hate the sound my thighs make when they are suctioned together by sweat. Yuck!