Monday, October 17, 2005

leaping and gurning

I’ve been shopping, and I’m going to see a friend in hospital. I hate hospitals, it’s the smell – and that’s ironic really, because for years I used to work for a company that outfitted intensive care units and operating theatres. I’d work with the staff after the installations to make sure that they knew what all the buttons did.

I’m afraid I enjoyed the weekend rather too well, I should have shopped but didn’t. Which is fine for me, I can get by on chick peas on toast, but it’s an indicator of poor parenting skills when your dogs have to breakfast on cornflakes and gravy! (Don’t feed your dogs cornflakes – it’s LOUD, and certainly don’t mix them with gravy unless you want to spend 15 minutes scraping brown sticky shrapnel off your walls).

So tonight we walked to the light of an enormous brass coloured moon. A sparkle of coloured lights reminded us of what time of year it is. We do celebrate Hallowe’en, All Hallows, (Walpurgis nicht), but we are also very big on bonfire night – or Guy Fawkes night. A strange celebration at face value, setting off fireworks and burning a “Guy” on a bonfire to demonstrate I suppose what the sky over Kensington might have looked like if our anti-hero had actually managed to light the blue touch paper on the barrels of gunpowder hidden in the Houses of Parliament.

Don’t get me wrong, I like bonfire night. I enjoy the fireworks and the treacle toffee and the bonfire itself – there’s nothing like a good “bonnie” tightening the skin on your face while you try to pick a cremated potato out of the embers with a bent stick.

Except that it’s not just one night. The fireworks are on sale, and even though they are not supposed to be sold to kids under 16, kids are resourceful, I know I was. So every night for the next month we will be subject to rockets and screamers and air bombs and all manner of sky bound artillery – and Charlie will dehydrate.

While Toffee is chasing tardy crows into trees, Charlie will be walking by my side. There’s a flash of light in the sky, just a moment before the crack of firework thunder – and Charlie who is 10 inches tall will suddenly appear eyeball to eyeball with me, on the end of a jet of urine, before plopping back down to the ground. I’ve seen him perform this trick eight times in a row when some fiend has set off a complicated multi layered firework.

I’m very happy that light and noise travel at different speeds. I use the fraction of a second between the flash and the bang to move slightly to one side so that I don’t come home covered in wee wee pinstripes.


Amy said...

rofl. I can only imagine. Although I won't since pound for pound I'm certain Gabe would contain a TAD more urine and wouldn't even need to jump. Maybe THAT is why I don't celebrate this "holiday".

Wendy said...

Hi there! I know what you mean about 'hospital smell'. We've spent far too much time in the hospital the last year or so and I simply cannot stand the smell. It smells of old, death, germs, vomit, and worse. YUCK!

My old dog, prior to Simon, was petrified of fireworks. I mean petrified - of thunder or even car backfires too. Any big loud noise. Poor girl. She'd try to dig into the floor to hide, eventually, I learned to lay down in the bathtub with her (so she couldn't scratch up the carpets) and just try to block her ears some and try to keep her calm. Her heart would race. She never peed, but boy ... I felt so badly for her. I remember my first thunder storm after we got Simon. I rushed home to him, remembering how Val had been, only to find him just fine. He does NOT, however, like the sound of my daughter's recorder flute thing. He hates that, and so do I!

The moon sounds wonderful!

Miladysa said...

Awrr - You know how much you love that cremated potato really :)

Poor boys :(

Just Some Gal said...

Awwww, poor Charlie... Make sure to fill 'em up prior to leaving. haha

I just did a bit of research on Guy Fawkes...what an interesting story!!

Try to enjoy... and scotch guard your pants!

Miladysa said...

Congratulations! You have been nominated by Wendy for FBF (Fit Bit Friday)!

A Tiara shall look lovely with the wee splashed pinstripes :)

Magpie said...

they are stood outside our local co-op with a guy already, let us get halloween over with first...and its penny for the guy with menaces too...


AJH said...

LOL. The joys of Guy Fawkes day/month is probably one of the only things I don't miss about England. Although I love the idea of celebrating the day somebody tried to destroy your government!
A little mild dehydration won't hurt Charlie, but maybe a mild sedative could help.

Aims said...

" kids are resourceful, I know I was. So every night for the next month we will be subject to rockets and screamers and air bombs and all manner of sky bound artillery " It started here well before the end of summer - what's the point when the nights are light - you can't see them??!!!
Blaise hates the fireworks too. Thumper (the evil rabbit from hell) however, loves them!!!

Am loving your wee wee pinstripes too!!

leesepea said...

Cornflake and gravy shrapnel?


Get thee to the marketplace!

Magpie said...

it was you huh, i thought you'd be


Miladysa said...

Your Lady has been notified Sir Knight :)