Thursday, November 17, 2005

body warmth

I switch off the heating when I go out in the morning, and I used to wonder if the guys got cold while I was out. I think this answers that little conundrum quite eloquently.

I’m sorry I haven’t written anything for a while, and embarrassed that it’s been the cause of any concern, but I am very, very grateful for the kind comments.

So, by way of explanation….there’s not much to say really. It’s just that I’ve lost some articulation in my fingers. Writing is quite a painstaking exercise at the moment. At the best of times I’m a two fingered typist, and now those two fingers are sulking. On the bright side, having effectively dumbed down, my hands are running at a similar pace to my brain, which is a first, as I’m used to them ostensibly doing things of their own volition and then catching up with the consequences later.

It’s something I can live with in any case, I mean at worst I’m going to have to give up my embroidery? Or possibly sell the unused painting by numbers sets on ebay? Well bugger me, life is truly over.

Seriously, I have an appointment to see a neurologist in the new year, and then, when he’s looked for any suspicious bumps on my bottom he’ll make up his mind about the necessity for scanning, shrinking or pickling. Which I see as a good sign as it’s certainly not that serious then?

In other far more exciting news, I seem to be having the best dreams of late. You know the kind of dreams that are, quite literally, memorable? Some of them are bizarre, off the wall, fantastical, journey oriented, through mazes of alley ways and dark passageways under heavy tall, dripping buildings, a la Ridley Scott. This is a starting point, in a variation of this one of these buildings houses my flat which is truly huge, modern in a Spartan way, and it’s full of my friends who are deeply impressed with this warehouse come living area. (I say friends, but at least in my dreams the characters are populated by people who I know from other contexts – the postman is suddenly my best friend, the lady in the dry cleaners is in a mini skirt dancing in my imaginary kitchen and I’m sure I saw ex Pope John Paul skulking around by the fridge – probably looking for the crème de menthe). But the best ones are the ones that culminate in my ex’s begging me to take them very roughly on the larder floor (the bean bag, over the kitchen sink, IN the freezer – and once, oddly, in bed). By the way, if any one out there knows the meaning of these dreams, please don't tell me.

I’ve woken up in quite a lather, they are so, vivid. I couldn’t make up better dreams, and I want the moments between the alarm going off and the eventual hauling of my lazy arse out between the sheets to last as long as possible – because that’s where dreams live? In those blissful moments between sleep and waking? I’ve not had dreams this exciting since I was 15. (I once emerged from under my sheets on a Sunday morning, after indulging myself in my futile passion for the French student at the stables (her name was Abigail and she was 18, hence as distant to me as Kuala Lumpur), to find a steaming hot cup of tea on my bed side table – to this day I still hope that my mother imagined that I was petting the cat under the sheets, or I’d taken up blind origami).

It’s all a bit sordid, (at least I didn’t make any allusions to the benefits of numb fingers?) I know, sorry. All I’m saying is, that if the dreams are in any way connected with the other symptoms, I think it’s a reasonable trade for the moment.


Amy said...

I had the most vivid, creative, imagined dreams when I was pregnant. Most of great destruction and despair (a nuclear war involving my husband on the front line, for example) but nonetheless dreamt with such clarity I can remember them still, ten years later. I wonder if that's perhaps your condition? I might explain the numbness, too, a poor circulation thing. Hmm...perhaps a pregnancy test would answer all your worries? Just kidding, of course.

a fish on a bycicle said...

hey I might be, at least I'd like to defend the right to be pregnant, in principle

Just Some Gal said...

Wow Colin. Glad to hear about you having the appointments set.

Do you think the numb fingers are a result of the dreams...and well...hehe I'm sorry.

Nice to see the boys all cuddly. They're always such happy creatures.

I really want to make some silly remarks about pregnancy... but... you know... hehe

Deranged Doctor said...

My goodness, Colin... I've heard of making the best of things but you seem to be positively enjoying all this head stuff. Almost seems like a good thing you can't use/abuse those fingers too much...
Good luck to you, then.

AJH said...

Wow, Colin. Perhaps you should move those appointments up, lad. The numb fingers could get really annoying.
The boys seem to be dealing rather gamely with the chill. Allow me a girly moment to say - sooo cute!

Bunnzy said...

I'm glad you are doing OK. I can almost hear the audible sigh of relief from all the regulars. Keep us posted with your eloquent 'moments' and updated on the shaggy kids.

Magpie said...

glad you are ok, wow its a long wait to see the neurologist...i woke up with numb hands this morning, something to do with the cold methinks..


Miladysa said...

The photograph of the boys is super!

Glad you are OK and appointments have been made. Hope things improve soon.

I think dreaming is good, I dream ever night and vividly but they do not involve freezers, bean bags and sinks - I try to stay out of the kitchen as much as possible :)

When my father died I had bereavement counselling and noticed an improvement in my state of mind when I started to dream again for my dreaming had suddenly stopped the day he died.

Take care and keep posting please :)

Wendy said...

Such a cute pic!! They're probably saying "I sure wish he'd leave the heat on so I wouldn't have to hug your hairy arse!"

Glad you're well ... and ahhh ... I think you're pregnant too!

leesepea said...

Oh my god, Colin, you're pregnant?

Oh, wait, misread someone's comment. Sorry.

Glad to hear from you. I was beginning to think my hesitancy in sending a helmet overnight had repercussions.

I wake up with numb fingers at various hours of the night. Actually, most nights my entire hand goes numb. I'm either having mini-strokes in my sleep or have not yet learned to find a suitable position that doesn't allow for numb appendages. Something to look in to.

If the doctors felt things were serious, they most certainly wouldn't wait until after the holidays for things like x-rays. Just to be on the safe side, though, I'd seek out a second opinion.

And if my vote counts for anything, I say pickling is always the best means of preservation.


Miladysa said...

Has anyone tested your blood? With anaemia I suffered numb fingers - just a thought.

Anisa said...

i had a problem with numbness in my hands once...and it turned out to be related to really bad allergies...weird, but I was glad it wasn't anything more serious...

a fish on a bycicle said...

oops, I think I used the wrong word, they're not numb so much as they simply won't do as they're told...all connected (or disconnected) I believe.

Aims said...

That pic is so cute. What you've written about the dreams is so funny. Glad to see you've not lost your sense of humour. Keep us posted on the appointments.
Take care x

Jessica said...

So glad you are the picture!

Bunnzy said...

I'm all embarrassed now about getting worried. But i am a worrywart and i like to do my research. I google everything. I look at the random pages on Wikipedia. Yes... i'm a geek. But a hot one! I like to know as much as i can on any subject... so i do not apologise for googling dementia pugilistica because i learnt something. Thank you!!!