I wonder what my workmates think of me.....
Actually I don't, I can say with all honesty that I rarely give a toss. I'm not much into people, not particularly gregarious, not a conversationalist or needy of company. Which is nothing to be proud of since I sell advertising and work as part of a team who are supposed to buzz and bond and share information and leads and simply ooze enthusiasm. I'm not sure whether my lack of social skills in this respect is a product of being selfish, in as much as I live alone and do whatever I do pretty much whenever I want to do it - or whether I'm so completely brassed off with the inane, false, enthusiasm that is required to get through the day that I simply can't be arsed anymore. Personally I prefer to think that I'm just a miserable git.
So it really is just a matter of perspective isn't it? I think that my immediate work mates act like children who've eaten too much sugar, they think I'm either deaf, rude or aloof, or perhaps too stupid to understand the jokes and join in. That's not to say that all of my colleagues belong in the same category - you'll have to allow me a little leeway here, the prerogative of describing my colleagues through my eyes, conceit I know but it's my blog after all: The biggest threat to my wah comes in the form of my most immediate colleague. We are a team, we work together on two magazines and split the load, informally, between us. He cares deeply that we reach our targets (as do I), he cares even more deeply which of us records most of this business on our system on the way to these targets (I don't give a shit so long as we get there). This is a real sticking point in our working relationship. He doesn’t seem to understand why I am happy to let him deal with the majority of the new potential clients that we turn up, he's very mistrustful of my motives and I'm sure he thinks that I am attempting to "manage" him in some way. Nothing could be further from the truth, he's a very good salesman, albeit with an approach that makes me squirm, but he closes business, and I have the work ethic of a tree sloth so I'm happy to let him get on it.
But that only describes our working relationship. Other than that, he genuinely spooks me. He constantly tells me stuff about himself and his personal relationships, stuff that I wouldn't relate to a close friend after a night on the pop. It is peppered with intimate detail, and there have been some real shockers, things that have made me want to sit further away.....like Scunthorpe. This is a daily occurrence and I am getting much better at filtering most of it out but it's very much like sitting next to a restless child, who, whenever they are not engaged with some pressing task, uses me as an object into which to empty the content of their brain, higgledy piggledy, warts and all. This has an effect on my concentration, I would prefer to sit and contemplate my naval, doodle or stir the rolled up fragments of eraser on my desk into an interesting pattern than listen to a stream of inanity interjected with the occasional shocking insight into his psyche. He doesn't seem to be conscious of body language either, I make that face (the one where you stare blankly back while the person is talking, or turn to face them but continue to look down at some task you're not really performing, or even sit, stare and clench and unclench your fists) he just chatters on like a mechanical toy. I want to hit him, punch him right in the face, or hurl a steaming cup of copy over his bollocks. I'm sane and rational, and I'm sure the police will come one day and I will have to explain why I sat and sharpened my pencil, and then pushed it in his eye.