Thursday, July 12, 2007

do me

What a strange phenomenon, the psychometric test?

Every time I take one of these, and I’ve been tested all over the place thank-you-very-much, it makes me think about the ink blot test. I can’t be completely sure, but I would imagine that the average psycho or socio path isn’t completely bereft of common sense, in fact, more likely, they are possessed of a certain, intuitive cunning. In which case when they are shown an inkblot by the friendly, inquisitive psychologist and asked to say what it reminds them of, they are hardly likely to blurt “a baby impaled on a pointed stick”, even if it does in fact resemble nothing other than a baby, impaled on a pointed stick. Instead, they say with practiced gravitas, “a carnation”

It’s much the same with psychometric testing. These things are apparently, by juxtaposing a series of intuitive questions, supposed to provide the interrogator with an insight into what really makes you tick – your psyche.

But they all seem such blunt and transparent tools, like the ink blot test, a series of questions in the form of:

“When faced with a crisis at work, what role do you play in resolving it?”

a repeatedly strike a colleague with a metal rule whilst shouting “fucking sort it out bitch”
b provide calm authority and enlist the skills of key colleagues to find a solution
c dither
d hide in the toilet until it all blows over

Shall I answer honestly, mmmmmmm let me see, no I think I’ll plump for b since the results of this test may have some bearing on my scramble up the corporate ladder.

Really, one would have to be a complete imbecile or a corporate lemming to answer truthfully, unless you are of course the perfect employee – which means that all of your work mates are going to loath and detest you when the results of the test are made public.

I just put down a mixture. I want people to think I’m flawed….like everyone else.

11 comments:

Jenn said...

Why, oh why isn't there an 'e. all of the above'? In this order I think: c, a, d, b.

Patti_Cake said...

I think you are very prudent to put down a mixture of answers also. Glad to see a post from my favorite Englishman!

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

I'm definitely a "ditherer". :)

Seven said...

And if the crisis is actually in the toilet?

Gerbera Daisy said...

So glad to see a post from you. Take care Fish.

Amy said...

I think some of the staff I now manage would actually say d was the correct answer, I'm afraid to admit. I'm all for c, however. Dithering is underrated.

Justin said...

Colin??

:o)

Magpie said...

hello stranger, just thought i'd pop in and say HI

i'd be giving answers i thought they wanted to hear rather than what i actually thought...lol, and you have no flaws...

*hugs*

p.s.i added you on facebook (i'm kelly fisher), and there are some new photos on my blog...

Wendy said...

Hello Colin. I like to fib about that sort of stuff. Just grin alot and make up your own answers.

Manblogger641 said...

I'd say "C" is the best answer.

matt said...

Crises of the toilet are never good. And sometimes they really, really smell.