Thursday, July 20, 2006

on the laying of ghosts, part the whatever...

may I say....

I'm dismayed to know that there's anyone who may think that there is any greater ethic, higher principle or better 'me' hiding inside some fabrication that I choose to show the world....

....there's no riddle to me at all, nothing deeper than whatever it is you see - it's not a wall I hide behind, it's simply that there is nothing else. This is the best I can do.

Do you think I live alone because I choose to? Because no one has ever found the key to unravel the mystery of me? Really? Utter rubbish. Tosh. Quite the opposite. Whoever may have been in my life that I have thought might be my heart’s desire has discovered what I already know.... that there really is nothing of any import to find out. It must be a disappointment, but not something that I couldn’t predict.

If you look at me and it seems that you cannot tell what I am thinking, there's nothing enigmatic going on, it is most likely because...I am not thinking.

I'm happy like that.

I get by on it.

16 comments:

Finn said...

Ahh, a man of no mystery! But do you like mystery in a woman? Do you like to do the exploring or do you need someone just like you?

Jessica said...

So...what you may be saying (if I interpret correctly) is that you don't feel as if there is a lot of deeper/hidden beneath the surface goings on with you - that you pretty much share and present whatever it is you are thinking or feeling at a given time.

Having met you, I would agree with that statement. You are who you are - no secrets, no hidden agendas, no multiple personalities. It's one of the things I love about you, Colin, and I cannot imagine anyone ever knowing exactly who you are and being disappointed by it.

Sandra said...

So you're saying there's no more to the iceberg than the tip? Or it's more of the same beneath...well there's certainly nothing wrong with that. What's worse than learning that someone you thought was glorious and wonderful is actually ugly and hateful underneath.

Wendy said...

I love a person who is who he/she is. No airs. No pretending. No hidden truths to be found out later on ... that may not be so pretty or appealing. So, you are who you are, and I'm all for that. It's how I am as well, as I have zero ability to hide my thoughts/feelings ... and even less desire to do so. Got a problem with that??

Magpie said...

i think its good that you know yourself that well and that you show every side of you, and there could never be a better you than we already know...

*hugs*

p.s. stop by today and see my pic if you want to know what the rest of me looks like...

Aims said...

I agree with Magpie totally. It's good that you know yourself & it's good to know you x

patti_cake said...

I totally agree, I hate people who have to put up a "front". Good for you being YOU Colin, and I hope to meet "you" in the flesh some day!

Amy said...

I would never call you a pretender or a game player. Never. Open, honest, forthcoming? Absolutely. I think you discredit yourself. I think you don't see how incredible you are and how talented you are is all. There is more there in the "wonderful attributes" category of Colin than you would perhaps give credit to. It's a good thing.

And to suggest that you haven't found or kept "Mrs. Fish" because "there is nothing of any import to find out" is RUBBISH!!!! I dare say.

That's all i came to say.

Pam said...

My, my, my.

You know. At the risk of being 'inappropriate', I'd give you a run (and probably scare you right the hell off in the process) if I wasn't already commited to my Boy. I don't know how old you are Colin. At 31 I decided I was going to end up alone and decided to be happy with that. By age 32 I was happily dating my husband and to be wed 2 months later. That was 12 years ago next month.
So keep on being 'happy like that'. It's the only thing you can do, no?

You know, I think about your desire to have children in your life. A lot. I too wanted children. Have you thought about volunteering for a program like "Big Brother/Big Sister"? I don't know if they have them in the UK but I bet a Euro that you have something similar.
And while we are at it, the next time you come to the states...I want to meet you if you'll have me that is. No strings or whathaveyou. I just want to give you a big hug and pinch your bottom...oohhh, now that's pushing the 'appropriate' limits!!
I best stop now if I know what's good for me.
Pam

Anne said...

I like you just how you are Fish...

Deadly Female said...

You're unique Mr Fish, and that's a good thing :)

Jenn said...

"Tosh"...what a great word.

Your post brings to mind a semi-epiphany I've been working on lately. I've been relating it to men in general but I suppose it's humans all around.

I've figured out that if I avoid reading into behavior - I'm on the right track. Kind of a 'what you see is what you get' reality.

Good post.

Seven said...

Thoughtful...even useful...now get back to being Colin...straightaway.

Aims said...

Come back - we miss you x

karla said...

Are you pretending to be empty-headed? You can't pull it off. You're too smart and funny and interesting to be empty headed. But go ahead and pretend, if you must.

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