Thursday, June 22, 2006

goodbye and thanks for all the fish....

Tell me if this makes sense:

I was sitting doing my thing in the office today when my gimp said, apropos of nothing, “you don’t like me do you?”

I’m used to being subjected to him giving voice to obtuse, random corners of his mind so I wasn’t particularly perturbed…I’m pretty sure he knows full well that I detest him. (Although on reflection he seems to think that everyone else thinks he's a hoot).

It was just too good an opportunity. Honesty is the best policy? So I told him. I told him that no, I don’t like him, that in fact he makes my skin crawl, that he represents almost every human quality that I despise; ugliness of spirit, crassness, sexism, racism, complete self indulgent absorption, the attention span of a may fly…in fact I went so far as to suggest that I it thought it may well be down to him being at a different stage in evolution to the rest of us. Either lagging well behind, chimp like, or well in advance – perhaps he’s superseded us and was now the next stage of humanity, the corporate twat.

Actually I ignored him. I couldn’t bare to look at him.

But.

It’s symptomatic of the way I’m feeling at the moment. I hate this. If you’ve met me or read this it will probably have become apparent to you that I don’t have an anchor. My sole responsibility is to the dogs. In every other respect I do whatever I please within the limitations of my income.

My job sounds wonderful if you describe it, simply put it involves a huge amount of travel and getting drunk with people when I get there. I’m the corporate good time, and they pay me to do it.

Sounds pretty good doesn’t it? Stop whining boy? (Except that it spills over into my life, I can’t help it, my cup literally runneth over).

I can’t complain about the salary either, the partners look after me very well. But I don’t think I’m ever going to be rich, filthy stinking rich, rich with a big house in the country to retire. I’ve had my own business fail on me in the past which landed me in (HUGE) debt, and I’ve made lifestyle choices, most of which included spend it now – tomorrow is another day.

So I was considering retiring now.

Why not?

Ugliness hurts me, it’s an almost physical hurt and there’s so much of it in the city. I feel like my soul is being slowly but surely eroded. There’s so much anger here, and spite, so much needless thoughtlessness and intolerance it’s almost palpable, there’s a miasma of crippled, abused emotion in the air.

So I’m beginning to think quite seriously about cashing in my chips. Pooling every penny I posses and then slipping out of the door one morning with the few possessions I really need and the dogs of course and leaving. We’d go to France first and Spain, and….well, there’s no rush, we’ve all the time in the world.

I’m not sure what I can do to earn a crust, I doubt whether I can get part time jobs as the local lush - but if we are happy we can survive on crumbs, so long as there’s petrol when we need it…and wine, of course!

Take a look at my Bongo, (it's the Mazda Bongo, the third one down) I’m going to buy it on Saturday.

33 comments:

Seven said...

OK. Just don't take the gimp....whatever a gimp might be??

Wendy said...

Wow ... I've never seen such a thing ... the Bongo not a gimp! Colin, do whatever makes you happy - but don't do anything rash. Can you not just get a leave of absence for a bit and test the waters out there? I know, I know ... I'm too anal and AFRAID to take chances. Just be good to the boys, as always.

krisbtterfly said...

wow, colin!
a) your little mazda bongo is something that tim would be absolutely envious of- he loves the idea of having a caravan to ride around in wherever we please without a rent check or mortgage payment to make!
b) i think you should do what makes you happy. too many people waste away emotionally, mentally, physically- doing a job that they don't love... wishing that they were doing something else. *ahem* yes, that's me. and apparently it's you, too. i think you'd make a great bartender, and an even greater barOWNER, so when you get that business up... and you need some patrons, i'll be one of the first! (and i'll send you cookies while you're a little hungry during the start-up stage of it).

you're the best, fish, and you deserve to be happy. *HUG*

Anne said...

Ahh Fish..Im sorry that its all crappy now. Sometimes I get in that kind of funk and I will eventually snap out of it..but if you find that you arent snapping then maybe its time for a change. I hope things get better..

(Oh yeah..and your title stinks..I thought you were leaving us!!)

Anne said...

Okay..just checked out the Bongo..umm..can I take a trip with you? :)

patti_cake said...

I love the Bongo! I say do what makes you happy. Life is too damn short. Peace & Blessings upon you Colin dear heart!

a fish on a bycicle said...

Kristie - a bar owner?

I don't think that's a terribly good idea, it would be like putting Herrod in charge of Mothercare

Amy said...

Do it. Now, today. Make yourself happy right this moment. Take the leap, take the risk, LIVE!!! Why the hell not?!

Jenn said...

Life's too short not to do what you can to make your soul sing. Seriously - while my leap to single motherhood isn't the same as the one you're contemplating...I'm so glad I did it. I could have spent years trying to fit my square peg into a round hole and ended up old before my time...and bitter. But I didn't..and it was scary to jump...but my feet landed and I'm off to my next experience.

Follow your heart or your wanderlust...whatever...just make yourself live.

Pam said...

I’m not sure what I can do to earn a crust...

Write Colin. You have talent.

Follow your bliss.

The Bongo looks fun. I would love to do that.

Pam

Melissa said...

Take your Bongo and the boys and run. Just let us all know where you are from time to time in case we're in town. Everyone can use a night with the local lush now and again. ;)

Caryn said...

Whether you decide to do it or not, I do wish you the best of luck. I know you know that there are other places, other jobs, when you need them. There will be something.

Shephard said...

Hard to break from the known to the unknown. You have more courage than I. But both our courage pales in comparison to any person who would name a car after something that gets hit repeatedly.

~S

Jessica said...

Hi, friend. Like everyone else who is just mad about you, I simply want you to be happy. You deserve no less.

As long as you can still blog, I'm cool with whatever you do. Oh - and regarding TequilaCon....we'll get you there.

Dustin said...

"Ugliness hurts me, it’s an almost physical hurt and there’s so much of it in the city."

When did you move to New York? =)

Lisa said...

Can't you just move your desk?

Seriously, though, I agree with all the other commenters here. Do what will make you happy to be alive, day in and day out. Otherwise, what's the point?

You should definitely keep writing, though.

Sandra said...

If you can afford it, I'm with the rest saying DO IT. You're itching for a new adventure right now, aren't you? It'll drive you crazy until you do something. Not sure about France though...

Al said...

OOHH OOHH I know. Hitchikers guide to the Universe.
I am seriously concidering a VW Westphalia or a Vanogon. Drive until you want to stop, curl up and sleep until you want. Repeat as necessary.

Ramona said...

you know what. you are are writer. take those dogs of yours and escape. And write dammit!

tammi said...

COOL RIDE.But is diesal pretty reliable or....well,I just bought a 4 cylinder fuel efficient sucker.Not sure how a Bongo is....but I think I heard diesal is the best way to go.
Congrats...
T.

Deadly Female said...

Coming soon to a town near you - Fish and his Bongo. Go for it, Mr Fish.

leesepea said...

Just don't retire from bloggin, kay?

tammi said...

Good point leesepea.I enjoy popping in and being like a nosey neighbor.lol
So,I've re-read this last post a few times.Did you really tell ol dude what you thought? Or did you just do like me and just "think" it.LOL...I mean,I noticed at the bottom of the paragraph where you really let him have ot BOTH barrels,but then at the end you said you ignored him.
Just curious,cuz I work with a person that gets on my nerves so bad,I find myself nearly biting my tongue OFF to keep from saying something really ugly---as if this particular person is careful not to get snotty w/ ME! Sometimes just killing them with kindness is not good enough for me.lol
But hey....just imagine yourself not traveling all expense paid when you retire,b/c it sounds like a dream job to me.I would loooove to travel and be the corporate "ggod time"....I feel like the corporate slave,especially when I have to pick up the slack for the slackers.But....I must admit,I've had my slack-ola days...but NOT that many.
Anyways...London in itself sounds like a dream to me!
Happy 4th,btw.
OOOKKKKK,I'm finished rambling.
Take Care,
T.

Lisa said...

Oy, Colin, I'm getting a bit worried. Can we get a post to see you're okay?

Amy said...

a) I was so sad to see that England lost in the World Cup. Of course I thought of you. In your lucky shorts and beans on toast (with cheese!)
b) I hope you are out galavanting (sp?) around in that Bongo of yours with the boys right.this.very.minute.
c) Write soon. We all miss you. We'll chip in for a laptop if you're off traveling. Promise.

Melissa said...

Col, if you're taking off to the great unknown you're supposed to let us know you got there safely, or you're packing, or you're getting drunk thinking about packing and getting there safely... either way put up a few ticks to let us know you're breathing. :)

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Part of me is happy for you...because it sounds like something you've always wanted to do...and part of me is worried you won't get enough crumbs...;)

I say DO IT...because it's something I think most of us WOULD do...if we only had the guts to leash up the furballs and walk out the door (I know I would!!!).

Gerbera Daisy said...

OH WOW!!! That guy you described sounds a whole lot like the guy I was married to 30 + years.

If you can afford to retire, I say go for it. Not so sure I would go to France. Life is far too short to not enjoy it.

Pink Lemonade Diva said...

1st time reader here, but I feel your pain. I also work in a similar industry that brings about love/hate feelings. Well if those are your photographs above, you can always have side work!

Good luck w/ your decision.

Finn said...

We only pass this way once. Make the most of it. Do what makes you happy.

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